Words used by Artisanal, a fondue restaurant in New York City, to describe their cheese selections:

• Grainy
• Unctuous
• Explosive
• Grassy
• Herbaceous
• Minerally
• Fluffy
• Varying
• Spoonable
• Sassafras-wrapped
• Extra daring

I called Citibank to activate a new credit card. An older guy answered.

“Welcome to Citibank, this is Leonard Bernstein. Can I have your first and last name as it appears on the card, please?”

“Liza with a Z?”

Sigh. “Yeah.”

“Like how Liza Minelli spells it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well my name is Leonard Bernstein, so I know a little about music, if you know who he is.”

“I do.”

“And where are you calling from today?”

“Boston, Massachusetts.”

“Boston! The Boston Pops are very familiar with Mr. Bernstein’s music.”

“Indeed.”

“Boston is important to my family, you know my daughter went to Harvard Law school. Then she married a cardiologist from Chicago where they live now, but he took her out of the courtroom and into the hospital because in February she will be delivering to us three beautiful triplets.”

“Wow, triplets.”

“Yes, my wife of 32 years has left me to go live with my daughter while she is expecting as has the wife of my son-in-law, which means that the two men are now bachelors but we are very much looking forward to this.”

“That’s great.”

“Well I’m very sorry that the Boston Red Sox did not go to the World Series against the Chicago Cubs this year.”

“Oh, yes.”

Then he told me about a card protection plan.