1. Just because I bought something from you online or in person does not mean I wish to receive marketing materials by email.
2. If you do send me marketing materials by email, include a single URL to let me unsubscribe. Do not make me send you an email saying “unsubscribe.”
3. Do not force me to type in my email address — I can’t be bothered, and you may have an older address that forwards to my current address.
4. Do not make me tell you why I am unsubscribing.
5. Do not ask me to select which marketing newsletter to unsubscribe from. I have no idea which one I’m getting because I didn’t opt-in in the first place.
6. For God’s sake, do not send me an email confirming that I have been unsubscribed. I am unsubscribing because I don’t want to receive email from you.

If you fail to follow steps #2-5, I won’t bother unsubscribing. I will simply mark you as “spam” in Gmail.

Note that this increases the likelihood that other people receiving your marketing materials will instead have them delivered to their spam folder.

This afternoon while walking the dog a man started yelling at me in Davis Square:

“I know what you like, honey. I can tell. You like girls. Girls and big dogs. You don’t like guys.”

Then he turned a corner, singing the theme from Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome.